Acceptance is not giving in

I was diving into some work by Albert Ellis today. You might know that he's often credited as a pioneer of CBT. In my humble opinion, though, many of his ideas were already explored by others like Friedrich Nietzsche, Alfred Adler, Marcus Aurelius, and even way back in history. I was really struck by this concept that what causes us anxiety is not accepting what is.

I can totally relate. Before I got into coaching, I used to think, “I wish they understood how much work I do” or “I wish the mobile phone had never been invented.” I believed that if management knew how hard I worked, they'd be kinder, or that if mobile phones didn’t exist, classroom management would be easier. I thought my life would be happier if people only knew that my job didn’t start at nine and end when the bell rang, or that I didn’t get six weeks off a year.

Of course, I was wrong. I even knew it at the time. But coaching helped me understand that wishing things were different is just self-deception—it doesn’t lead to happiness. It was only when I accepted all these things as they are that I found peace. Along with that acceptance came another important realisation: accepting myself. I learned that I didn’t need to be perfect; I was good enough just as I am. This self-acceptance, based on a realistic view of oneself, fosters a healthy mindset, freeing up energy for more important pursuits and increasing the chances of achieving goals.

I'm truly grateful to my coach (or should I say coaches, as there was more than one). It's a big part of why I became a coach myself.